Written July 16 11:25 PM

A ray of sun falling across her face woke Ailith, the sound of birdsong streaming in through the open window filling her with a sense of contentment. She stretched out on the bed, relishing in the way the warmth of the blankets contrasted with the cold air on her nose. A soft sigh on her neck drew her attention, her head turning towards the sensation.

A smile grew on Ailith’s face as she turned to see Feyra next to her, the redhead’s face pressed into Ailith’s shoulder in protest at having been woken up by her movements. Ailith wasn’t used to this, to the luxury of waking up with Feyra. She doubted she would ever grow tired of watching those eyes blink open and search for her in their first moments of awareness. It made Ailith’s heart do somersaults in her chest.

Now though, Feyra was burrowing her face into the crook of Ailith’s neck, hiding from the light. She grumbled something into Ailith’s skin, turning more fully into Ailith’s body and draping an arm over her chest.

Chuckling, Ailith nudged at the arm. “What was that? I don’t speak ‘sleep.'” She shifted slightly, bringing her hand up to run it down Feyra’s back, teasing the bare skin there.

A long suffering groan came from the cloud of red hair next to Ailith. “Nin uir,” came Feyra’s muffled voice, “it’s too early. Go back to sleep.”

Ailith froze, her hand coming to an abrupt stop between Feyra’s shoulder blades. The other woman sensed the tension in Ailith’s body and brought her head up to peer at her, brow furrowed in confusion.

“Ailith? What’s wrong?” Feyra’s hand was on Ailith’s face now, turning it towards her.

“You… You said the same thing in Dragontower, in bed.” Ailith was hesitant, sure that she was mistaken.

“I said a lot of things in Dragontower, in bed,” Feyra pointed out with a slight grin, “but… yes, I believe I did. Why?”

Ailith felt tears prick her eyes. She covered the hand still on her cheek with her own, squeezing gently. “I didn’t know what it meant. Obviously, I don’t speak Elvish.” Feyra nodded slowly, confusion written clearly on her face. “But I heard you this time. I understood you.”

“What? You’re sure?”

“‘My eternity.’ You called me your eternity,” Ailith whispered, fully aware that she was crying in bed for the second time in as many days.

Feyra was silent for a moment, a myriad of emotions playing out on her face. “Nin mel,” she murmured, moving to kiss Ailith softly, so softly. My love. Ailith gasped as the words filtered into her ears in Feyra’s Elvish lilt, her mind supplying the meaning behind them automatically.

They lost the rest of the morning, Feyra speaking words into Ailith’s mouth, her skin, her soul. Ailith answered the only way she knew how, until Feyra didn’t have any words left to utter.

Written April 30th 2021 11:42 PM

They were alone and Ailith didn’t know how to proceed. She had never really done this before; clumsy fumbling with the stable girl next door didn’t count, not really. Not compared to this. She knew she wanted this, with Feyra, right now, more than she had ever wanted anything in her entire life. If she was being honest, it scared her a bit, the enormity of her feelings.

The First and Last had just returned to Dragontower after defeating Mammon and Ailith had immediately dragged Feyra upstairs to their room, not pausing to say anything to the rest of their party, want and need fuelling her actions. Now that they were actually here though, Ailith sat on her bed, hands twisting together in her lap as she watched Feyra set her bow down and start undoing the straps of her quiver. It felt like a swarm of bees had taken up residence in Ailith’s stomach, every nerve in her body buzzing.

Grime and mud still streaked across Feyra’s skin from their time in the Nine Hells and Ailith was sure she didn’t look much better. It didn’t matter though. In fact, it only served to conjure up images of sharing a bath, wiping Feyra’s skin clean gently, slowly… Ailith struggled to control her breathing. The air in the room felt heavy, like neither woman wanted to break the silence first. Fuck this, Ailith thought, the distance between her and Feyra suddenly far too great. Ailith stood and crossed the room before she could change her mind, coming to a stop in front of the other woman.

“Need a hand?” Ailith’s voice was low and she could feel her heart in her throat. She didn’t want to scare Feyra, to push her to do anything she didn’t want to do. She just wanted to be close to her in any way she could, in any way that Feyra would allow. She would take anything she was given.

“Okay,” came the whispered reply. Feyra brought her arms down to her sides, letting Ailith take over undoing her quiver. Ailith’s gloved fingers undid the buckles swiftly, leaning into Feyra’s space to slip the quiver off her back and set it gently on the floor. Feyra’s eyes never left Ailith’s face, and Ailith found herself unable to look away from them as her hands moved to undo the clasp of Feyra’s cloak, gloved fingertips brushing the delicate skin of her throat, before letting the cloak join the quiver on the floor.

She didn’t know what to do next, her mind crowded with thoughts and desires, all bumping into each other and melding into the next. Ailith wanted to pull Feyra into a hug, kiss her gently then not gently at all, to drag her tongue down her tattoos. She wanted to take Feyra apart and put her back together again, she wanted Feyra to open her up and write her name on her heart, gods, she wanted so many things she didn’t know where to begin.

Ailith was so wrapped up in her own thoughts she didn’t notice Feyra move, reaching out to her slowly. When Feyra grasped her hands, she jumped at the feeling, thoughts quieting for the moment. Ailith watched with bated breath as Feyra removed her gloves gently, one finger at a time. She waited, flexing her fingers at her sides as Feyra then removed her own gloves, tossing them onto the growing pile of discarded items.

Feyra moved to hold Ailith’s hands in hers and Ailith stopped breathing, waiting for the grimace of pain that always crossed Feyra’s face at the contact, no matter how much she tried to conceal it. When no grimace came, not even a flicker of pain in Feyra’s eyes, Ailith let out a shaky breath, eyes fluttering shut as Feyra entwined their fingers. Gods above. Such a simple gesture but hells if it didn’t make her want to weep. Her eyes snapped open at the feeling of Feyra running her hands up Ailith’s arms, tracing the vines and webs that covered the skin there.

Ailith never took her eyes off Feyra’s face, watching the miniscule changes in her expression. Ailith’s idle hands found their way to Feyra’s waist, bunching the fabric of her shirt at the sensation of callused fingers running up her neck.

“Feyra.” The word came out like a warning, low and hoarse. Or maybe it was a promise, an oath. Feyra looked at her then, a challenge in her eyes. Ailith’s tongue darted out to lick her lips and she watched as Feyra’s eyes followed the movement.

“Ailith.” A cocked eyebrow, a hint of a grin, and Ailith didn’t know who moved first. It was a messy kiss, with dry lips and too many teeth, but Ailith didn’t care. It had been months since she had been able to do this, all she cared about was finally getting to kiss her girl.

She couldn’t help the moan she gave when Feyra’s tongue ran along the seam of her lips. Her hands didn’t know where to rest, pulling and clutching Feyra closer at the sensation of the redhead’s tongue against hers. When Feyra sank her teeth into Ailith’s bottom lip, all thought flew from her mind. She walked Feyra backwards until she hit the wall with a small thud, lips never leaving hers, Ailith’s hand cradling the back of Feyra’s head to take the impact. Ailith slotted a leg in between Feyra’s, swallowing the gasp that accompanied the contact.

Ailith’s hands flew now, undoing the buttons on Feyra’s shirt with trademark speed. Feyra broke the kiss, panting as she shoved Ailith’s suspenders down her shoulders and untucked Ailith’s shirt from her pants. Feyra’s shirt now open, Ailith pushed it off her shoulders and down her arms, pausing only to press open mouthed kisses to Feyra’s tattoos. Those fucking tattoos.

Feyra gave Ailith an impatient shove, pushing her away only to yank Ailith’s shirt over her head. Both women now stood in only their bindings and trousers, breathing heavily. Ailith traced the skin above Feyra’s bindings with her index finger, watching as goosebumps followed her finger’s path. Feyra was running her hands up Ailith’s sides, tracing the web design inked into her skin.

“Bed?” Ailith breathed out, muscles tight in anticipation. Feyra nodded, then squealed as Ailith bent and grabbed the back of her thighs, picking Feyra up in one swift motion. Feyra bounced when Ailith dropped her on the bed, a sight that Ailith found endlessly endearing, but she didn’t join her. Instead, Ailith swallowed nervously as she undid her trousers and slipped them off, kicking them aside. She kept her underclothes on, eyes flickering up anxiously to where Feyra lay on the bed, watching Ailith’s every movement.

Wide eyed, the redhead followed suit, back arching as she worked her trousers off and dropped them off the side of the bed. Acting before she lost her nerve, Ailith removed her bindings, leaving her torso bare. Feyra’s eyes roved over Ailith’s body, pupils blown large. It was seldom that Ailith felt self-concious about her body; she knew she was strong, that this body was capable of truly superhuman feats, but with that came damage.

Scars riddled her upper body, some in the shape of claws, others teeth. There was a huge bruise forming on her ribs from where Mammon’s tail had whipped into her. She knew she wasn’t pretty, not like some girls with their soft skin and delicate features. She was rough, too coarse for most people. It hadn’t ever really bothered her until this moment, here alone with Feyra. Feyra, who was the most beautiful person she had ever laid eyes on, who she desperately wanted to be deserving of. In this moment, Ailith felt more self-conscious and more vulnerable than she had in her entire life. She moved, bending down towards Feyra, trying to ignore just how exposed she felt, but before she could spiral completely, Feyra surged up to meet her, dragging her down onto the bed.

Ailith braced herself on all fours above Feyra, whose legs were trapped by Ailith’s thighs. She ducked down to mouth along Feyra’s jaw, down her neck, into the dip below her throat. The noises Feyra was making bounced around in Ailith’s head, clearing any other thoughts away. When Ailith moved to remove Feyra’s bindings, she felt fingers tangling in her hair, pulling gently.

Ailith’s lips followed her fingers’ path as she removed the wraps on Feyra’s chest, chasing the flush that was working its way down Feyra’s body. When she moved to take Feyra in her mouth, the hands in her hair turned rough, insistent. Ailith caught snippets of murmurs; her name and something that sounded like “I love you.” Ailith couldn’t keep her hands still, moving them down Feyra’s body, caressing the softness she found on the way.

Feyra’s body, she realized, was much like hers. She too, had scars – some fresh and pink, others white and shiny with age. There was a tiny pinprick on her neck from where Yenobi had shot her with a dart back in Caltown, a jagged line running up her stomach where the demonic Minotaur had gored her. Ailith bent to each scar, each mark, and pressed her lips to them, sending up a thanks to whoever was listening for these reminders that Feyra was still here with her.

Feyra’s hands were still in her hair, grasping to the point of pain, but it only stoked the heat rising in Ailith’s body. She reached up and took Feyra’s left hand in hers, bringing her forearm into view. There were no scars there. Nothing to remind Ailith of what she almost lost before she ever really had it, but she kissed the skin there anyway, revelling in the smoothness of it on her lips, then under her tongue when she dared to taste it.

Feyra gasped and moaned, writhing under her, her hips bucking up into Ailith’s and gods, it was enough to drive a person mental. Raising her head, Ailith searched Feyra’s face. The other woman was flushed, beads of sweat erupting on her skin. Suddenly, Ailith wanted nothing more than to taste the sweat gathering in the hollow of Feyra’s throat. So she did. When she looked back up, Feyra’s eyes were dark, hair fanned out beneath her, her lips red and kiss swollen. Her chest was heaving, and she looked absolutely, almost obscenely, breathtaking.

“Feyra,” Ailith rasped, “is this… Do you want this?” She needed to hear Feyra say it, needed to know Feyra wanted this, wanted her. Feyra nodded, smoothing a few pieces of errant hair out of Ailith’s face. “I need you to use your words, love,” Ailith murmured in Feyra’s ear.

“Ailith, if you don’t shut up and finish what you started, I will kill you. Slowly,” Feyra ground out, breathless and impatient.

Ailith pulled back, eyes wide, a grin growing on her face. “Well alright then.” She wasted no time in tracing her hands down Feyra’s chest, over her torso, brushing her hip bones, before slowly pulling her underclothes down her legs. She felt Feyra’s hands on her shoulders and the next thing she knew, she was lying on her back, Feyra bare above her. I’m gonna need her to teach me that trick.

It was Ailith’s turn to squirm. Feyra was relentless, her mouth trailing heat down Ailith’s body. She nipped at Ailith’s skin, soothing the brief pain with her tongue. I’m going to die. This woman is going to kill me. When Feyra got to Ailith’s remaining coverings, she took the fabric in her teeth and Ailith’s eyes rolled back in her head. She lifted her hips and let Feyra remove the last barrier between them.

Feyra stilled for a moment, bringing her head up and sitting back on her heels. She knelt there, in between Ailith’s legs, not touching her, just looking. Ailith felt panic rising within her, a cold sensation running through her veins. This is it, she thought. This is where she decides I’m too broken, too battered for her. Green eyes ran up her body, tracing every scar, every bruise, every imperfection, until they found Ailith’s gaze. It was too intense; Ailith wanted to turn away, hide from it. But she didn’t – she couldn’t.

Feyra’s lips moved, but Ailith couldn’t hear anything past the rushing of blood in her ears. She shook her head slightly, watching Feyra’s brow furrow above her. Feyra shifted, bending down so that her hair created a curtain around Ailith’s face.

“You are,” she whispered, pausing to press a quick kiss to Ailith’s jaw, “so beautiful.” Another kiss, this time on Ailith’s lips. Ailith whimpered (which she would deny if anyone asked). Feyra murmured another phrase in a language Ailith didn’t know, but it was said so softly, with such reverence, that she knew what it meant. She wanted to cry, wanted to shout from every rooftop that she loved this woman with every fibre of her being.

“Gods, I love you. I – you have no idea how long I’ve waited for you. I was waiting for you before I even knew what I was waiting for. Feyra-” Ailith was babbling, words and endearments falling incoherently from her mouth. Feyra laughed softly – gods, Ailith loved that sound – catching the words on her tongue, pressing herself to Ailith as she did.

Everything else passed in a blur, only snippets standing out clearly in Ailith’s mind. Wet heat on her fingers. Gasping breaths in her ear. Sharp teeth on her collarbone. Shaking muscles wrapped tightly around her. Tears of finally on her cheeks.

After, they laid side by side in the dying sunlight, Feyra’s head tucked into Ailith’s shoulder. Ailith played with Feyra’s hair, feeling the other woman’s heart slow, her muscles relax into sleep. The setting sun turned Feyra’s hair to firelight in her hand, but Ailith didn’t burn.

Written May 21st, 2021 9:31 AM

Sunlight was filtering weakly through the window of the guest room when Ailith jerked awake. Today’s the day. She hastily threw on her clothes and snuck out of her room, quietly closing the door behind her. As she expected, the mansion was quiet. They had returned from the Feywild the day before and the afternoon had been filled with lengthy discussions about their next moves. Everyone had gone to bed pretty exhausted, Ailith included after her trip to Ozas’s shop in town. She had spent weeks not knowing what to get Feyra for her birthday and being in Dragontower had given her the perfect opportunity to get something she thought Feyra would truly like. She wanted today to be perfect, Feyra deserved perfect.

Ailith ran into town, arriving at the shop right as Ozaz was unlocking the door.

“Oh! You’re here already!” Ozaz looked surprised to see her so early, even though Ailith had told him to expect her first thing in the morning. She supposed she didn’t exactly look like an early riser, or someone who kept their word for that matter. Defying expectations left, right, and centre, she thought with an internal eye roll.

“Yeah, well it’s a big day! Do you have them, are they ready?” Ailith peered around Ozaz into the shop.

“Um, yes they are, but-“

“Great! I’ll take them now!” Ailith interrupted, pushing past Ozaz who shut the door after her with a deep sigh.

“Well, okay, but there’s quite a lot of them,” Ozaz explained as he led her to the counter where seven giant bouquets were waiting.

Ailith stared in wonder; they were absolutely beautiful. “They’re perfect! Thank you so much, here,” she dug out a gold and tossed it to Ozaz before scooping up the bouquets in both arms. “Have a good gardening meeting today! What’s it about?” Ailith moved towards the door, craning her neck to see over the flowers.

“Today we’re learning about water retention. It promises to be very informative-”

Ailith pushed the door open with her hip, cutting Ozaz off once more. “Neat, I’ll have to tell Xiv about it, they might find it interesting, thanks again!” And she was off, hurrying back up to the house.

People were up by the time she got back, she could hear them moving around. She passed by Xiv in the hall, their skull bare in the comfort of Feyra’s family home.

“What’s with the flowers?” They rasped, cocking their head to the side.

“It’s Feyra’s birthday today,” Ailith replied, blowing a purple blossom out of her face.

“Shit,” Xiv muttered, reaching up to their teleportation helmet and vanishing.

“Oh, and I stopped by Ozaz’s shop, they’re discussing water retention today, I thought you might find it interesting! Good talk,” Ailith said to herself, rolling her eyes as she continued through the main floor of the house. She paused in the entrance to the study when she heard the turning of pages. Ace was curled up in an armchair, flipping through a book that Ailith couldn’t discern from where she stood. “Hey, Ace. Good morning. You feeling better?” Ailith felt guilty, she often forgot that Ace was just a kid and felt things more strongly than Ailith did.

Ace looked up, blinking at the intrusion. “Morning! I feel okay I guess, still a little nervous. Why do you have so many flowers?” Of course Ace was feeling nervous, they were going up against an ancient green dragon tomorrow, only a fool wouldn’t feel nervous.

“It’s Feyra’s birthday today,” Ailith answered, choosing to ignore the first part of Ace’s statement. “Want one?” Maybe she could distract the ten year old with pretty flowers. Kids like flowers, right? Ailith was clueless when it came to children; at Ace’s age she was already sparring with Amos until her knuckles were bloody and she could barely stand.

“Sure!” Ace bounced in her seat excitedly.

“Here,” Ailith grunted, handing Ace an entire bouquet. “Six is plenty,” she explained. Hearing noise in the kitchen, she left Ace to inspect the bouquet and went off in search of whoever else was awake. Her eyes lit up when she poked her head into the kitchen and saw Talus retrieving cookware, and ingredients from the cold room. “Good morning!” Ailith called.

“Hey, Ailith. I feel like I should ask about the flowers,” Talus responded, eyeing Ailith’s overflowing arms.

“Feyra’s birthday, ya know how it is. Hey, can I ask you to make a really nice breakfast? Not that your breakfasts aren’t always nice, they are, but this is an important day, so like, even better than normal would be great,” Ailith was rambling, her nerves getting the best of her.

“Oh, for sure! Anything for Feyra. Want me to come upstairs with you and surprise her?” Talus asked excitedly.

Ailith thought for a moment. “You know, normally I would say yes, but I think sleeping in would be nice on your birthday, so I’ll just sneak up there myself. When she comes down, we can jump out and yell all we want,” she reasoned. Pleasantries finished, Ailith made her way up the stairs.

She didn’t run into Xernax or Mani on her way, which didn’t surprise her. They had so much time to be alone here, she was sure they were making the most of it. Ailith padded down the hall, making her way to the room Feyra was using. Typically, they shared a room, but Ailith had made up some bullshit about their trip back from the Feywild leaving her feeling ill to get Feyra to sleep in a separate room. Luckily, Feyra hadn’t argued, even though Ailith hadn’t been sick a day since they met. Ailith slowly opened the door to Feyra’s room, marveling at the quality of the hinges when no squeaks came. She slipped into the room, tiptoeing over to the bed.

It wasn’t often that Feyra left herself vulnerable, but here in her childhood home she must have felt safe. The sight of her sleeping soundly, for once not clutching her bow next to her pillow, did something to Ailith’s heart. She moved silently, placing the bouquets around Feyra’s sleeping form so that when she woke she’d be surrounded by flowers. Ailith reached out to brush a piece of hair off Feyra’s face, but stopped short before she made contact; she wasn’t wearing her gloves yet. A wave of sadness crashed down on her, but she shook it off with a sigh. Today was a happy day, it was a day to celebrate Feyra being in her life, there was no reason to think about what they couldn’t have. Ailith crept back to the door, closing it softly behind her.

She bounded back to the kitchen, where Talus was busy chopping vegetables and breaking eggs into an iron skillet. Ailith swung herself onto the counter and sat there cross-legged, pestering Talus with questions about what he was making instead of actually helping the man. For his part, Talus looked happy to have company and answered her questions patiently, much like how he talked to Ace when she was overly excited. A small noise from the doorway made the two of them look up to see Feyra leaning on the doorjamb, a faint smile on her face and a blue flower in her hair.

“Good morning! You’re up! Happy birthday! We made you breakfast!” Ailith jumped from the counter and ran to Feyra, making to grab her into a hug but awkwardly pulling up short. “I’ll go find Ace, sit sit!” As Feyra laughed and made her way to the small table, Ailith turned to leave, only to find Ace standing behind her, still clutching the bouquet Ailith had given her.

“I’m right here. Feyra, happy birthday! Here, I got you this,” Ace plucked a flower from her bouquet and made her way to the table, handing Feyra a flower from the bouquet. “And for dinner, I’m going to prepare a Hero’s Feast for all of us!” Ailith shook her head, letting Ace take the credit for that one flower. The four of them sat around the table once it was clear that Xiv was not coming back any time soon, chatting and laughing as they ate. Ailith couldn’t help but watch them, each looking more relaxed than she had seen them in weeks. Her heart swelled with longing, wanting this kind of peace forever. Maybe one day.

Eventually, once they had finished breakfast and made plans for the rest of the day, they separated to get ready for the day. Ailith pretended she didn’t hear Feyra whisper to Talus, “Thank you for breakfast. I know you did most of the work.” She wasn’t wrong, Ailith was not a cook. She waited by the front door as everyone else got dressed and they ventured out together, still not sure where Xiv was.

The walk to the cemetery was cheerful enough, but when they entered the gate a sombre mood overtook them. Feyra immediately went to her parent’s headstones, placing some of the flowers she had brought on them. It hit Ailith then that it wasn’t fair that they would never get to see who Feyra had become. Clearing her throat, she left Feyra to her thoughts and wandered over to Gregor’s grave. She laid a flower on the dirt where grass shoots were starting to overtake the bare earth. Time was moving forward, as it always would, but it felt wrong in this space. Death was part of the job, but Ailith would be lying if she said Gregor’s death hadn’t shaken her. It felt too permanent, too soon. She wondered what he would think of what The First and Last were doing now. She didn’t know how long she crouched there before she felt her friends behind her. Straightening and rubbing her eyes quickly, she turned to them, attempting a small smile.

“Time to head back?” Ailith asked, voice a bit hoarse from disuse and trying to keep her tears at bay. Feyra nodded and led the way back out of the cemetery, the gate closing behind them. By the time they got back it was approaching late afternoon, the sun casting long shadows as it began it’s descent. The four of them piled in the front door only to see Xiv standing there with a red sapling held in their hand.

“Happy birthday. This is from that red place we accidentally ended up in that one time. You can plant it here,” Xiv explained, brandishing the sapling at Feyra.

“Oh, thank you Xiv, that’s very thoughtful. I’m not sure how well it will grow here but it’s worth a shot,” Feyra replied, taking the tree from Xiv. A tree. Fuck. Flowers die, I should’ve gotten her a tree. Godsdamn it. Feyra went out into the garden to plant the sapling, Ace trailing behind her. Ailith headed to the dining room to pout, only to find Xernax and Mani deep in discussion at one end of the table. They didn’t acknowledge her presence, so she sat at the far end of the long table and pulled out a piece of wood she was carving while she waited for this Hero’s Feast she had heard so much about. Before long, Ace and Feyra returned, followed closely by Talus and Xiv, each taking seats around the table. Xernax and Mani ceased their conversation and all of them turned to Ace, waiting for her to work her particular brand of magic.

“Every Shadow,” she began, head bent low over her hands, “please watch over us in the upcoming battle. Help keep us safe.” As Ace finished her prayer, shadows moved in from the corners of the room and swept over the table, leaving everyone’s favourite food in their wake. Ailith was once again awestruck at the young girl’s power, watching her squirm with excitement as she dug into the food in front of her. Much like breakfast, dinner was a casual, carefree affair and Ailith eagerly ate her stir fry and salad as conversations flowed over her. Ailith took the opportunity to bug Xernax and Mani about their relationship, both of them looking rather flustered at the line of questioning, much to her delight.

When the conversation finally started to lull, Ailith was on the verge of sleep. She felt warm and comfortable, the kind of feeling that comes with a good meal with even better company. Xernax and Mani made their excuses and Ailith didn’t miss their hands linking together as they left the room. Good for them. Ace and Talus were next to leave, the latter gathering the small girl into their arms and carrying her to her room. Xiv muttered something about angles and curves, and wandered out of the room counting on their fingers. It was just Feyra and Ailith left in the dining room, silence enveloping them.

“Ailith,” Feyra cleared her throat. “There’s actually, um… something else I wanted to do, for my birthday. Will you come with me?”

“Of course,” Ailith smiled, following Feyra out the back door and into the forest. They stopped at the edge of a small clearing, moonlight washing everything in pale light. Feyra reached behind a tree and brought out a small basket. She quickly got to work setting out a blanket and a bottle of – is that non-alcoholic wine? Gods, I adore you. Feyra gestured for Ailith to sit, Ailith happily obliging. She waited, sensing that Feyra was building up to something.

Feyra took a deep breath, smoothing out invisible wrinkles on her pants. Ailith could see her throat working before she finally looked up and pinned Ailith with her gaze. “Ailith,” she began softly, “I wanted to do this because for the first time in many years I actually know that today is my birthday. While I love our little found family with The First and Last, the one thing I truly wanted today was to be able to spend a moment with you. Just us.” Ailith smiled at that, knowing all too well what Feyra meant. “I know I’m not a person of many words, and I often have a hard time expressing myself; I spent so long on my own that I just never needed to, and now I’m not always able to find my voice.

“So instead I watch. And Ailith, my favourite moments from these past months traveling together are when I get to watch you shine. I know you don’t always see it yourself, but just know that you amaze me, Ailith. And,” Feyra swallowed, a soft smile spreading across her face before continuing, “I love you. I have always felt like I have a shadow that’s been following me throughout life, being alone, not knowing who I was, but now with you I finally feel as though I have a light to keep the shadow at bay.” Ailith felt tears pricking her eyes, but she couldn’t move to wipe them away. “I don’t know what the future will hold for me, or you, or us. Tomorrow may be the end, or next week, or next year. No one knows, but I hope that in my future you’re there as well, because I believe in us too.” Feyra took another deep breath as she finished, eyes searching Ailith’s face.

“Wow. I’ve never heard you say so many words consecutively, in a row,” Ailith said softly, humour lacing her words. “Aren’t people supposed to say nice things about you on your birthday, not the other way around?”

Feyra rolled her eyes at that. “Birthday’s are about doing what you want, and I wanted to tell you how I felt,” she retorted.

“Okay, okay, fair point,” Ailith conceded, biting her lip to keep from laughing. “Feyra… In case it needs to be said, I love you too.” Feyra visibly relaxed at the words, as though she was uncertain that Ailith returned her feelings. Of course I love you, you absolute fool. Feyra reached out a gloved hand and Ailith took it readily, eyes never leaving the other woman’s face. “Did you like the flowers?” Ailith whispered, not wanting to break the fragile bubble of serenity currently enveloping her.

“I loved them, Ailith, thank you,” Feyra replied in kind.

“I’m sorry they’re not a tree. A tree wouldn’t die. Xiv is smarter than me,” Ailith grumbled.

“Xiv brought me a tree from a jungle we know nothing about. Who knows if it will survive here,” Feyra reassured her, brushing her thumb across the back of Ailith’s hand. Ailith hummed in acknowledgement, thoughts turning over in her mind.

“How do you feel about graffiti?” She asked suddenly, grabbing the small knife she kept hidden in her boot.

“Um…?” Ailith jumped to her feet, pulling Feyra with her. She moved to the nearest tree, a tall sturdy looking thing she was sure Feyra could identify for her, but she didn’t care about what type of tree it was in this moment. Feyra watched quietly as Ailith carved their initials into the tree, surrounding them with a heart.

“There. Take that, Xiv” Ailith declared, stepping back to admire her handiwork. Feyra laughed, a bright sound in the night.

“Come here,” she breathed, leading them back to the blanket and laying down. Ailith let herself be pulled to the ground, settling in next to Feyra, nerves lighting up where their arms were pressed together. They laid there for minutes, hours, days – Ailith didn’t know or care. All she cared about was the fact that she was with Feyra, under the stars, saying I love you in the same way she had imagined it so long ago. Finally. Fucking finally. They fell asleep like that, side by side, tethered together in more ways than one.