Written May 21st, 2021 9:31 AM
Sunlight was filtering weakly through the window of the guest room when Ailith jerked awake. Today’s the day. She hastily threw on her clothes and snuck out of her room, quietly closing the door behind her. As she expected, the mansion was quiet. They had returned from the Feywild the day before and the afternoon had been filled with lengthy discussions about their next moves. Everyone had gone to bed pretty exhausted, Ailith included after her trip to Ozas’s shop in town. She had spent weeks not knowing what to get Feyra for her birthday and being in Dragontower had given her the perfect opportunity to get something she thought Feyra would truly like. She wanted today to be perfect, Feyra deserved perfect.
Ailith ran into town, arriving at the shop right as Ozaz was unlocking the door.
“Oh! You’re here already!” Ozaz looked surprised to see her so early, even though Ailith had told him to expect her first thing in the morning. She supposed she didn’t exactly look like an early riser, or someone who kept their word for that matter. Defying expectations left, right, and centre, she thought with an internal eye roll.
“Yeah, well it’s a big day! Do you have them, are they ready?” Ailith peered around Ozaz into the shop.
“Um, yes they are, but-“
“Great! I’ll take them now!” Ailith interrupted, pushing past Ozaz who shut the door after her with a deep sigh.
“Well, okay, but there’s quite a lot of them,” Ozaz explained as he led her to the counter where seven giant bouquets were waiting.
Ailith stared in wonder; they were absolutely beautiful. “They’re perfect! Thank you so much, here,” she dug out a gold and tossed it to Ozaz before scooping up the bouquets in both arms. “Have a good gardening meeting today! What’s it about?” Ailith moved towards the door, craning her neck to see over the flowers.
“Today we’re learning about water retention. It promises to be very informative-”
Ailith pushed the door open with her hip, cutting Ozaz off once more. “Neat, I’ll have to tell Xiv about it, they might find it interesting, thanks again!” And she was off, hurrying back up to the house.
People were up by the time she got back, she could hear them moving around. She passed by Xiv in the hall, their skull bare in the comfort of Feyra’s family home.
“What’s with the flowers?” They rasped, cocking their head to the side.
“It’s Feyra’s birthday today,” Ailith replied, blowing a purple blossom out of her face.
“Shit,” Xiv muttered, reaching up to their teleportation helmet and vanishing.
“Oh, and I stopped by Ozaz’s shop, they’re discussing water retention today, I thought you might find it interesting! Good talk,” Ailith said to herself, rolling her eyes as she continued through the main floor of the house. She paused in the entrance to the study when she heard the turning of pages. Ace was curled up in an armchair, flipping through a book that Ailith couldn’t discern from where she stood. “Hey, Ace. Good morning. You feeling better?” Ailith felt guilty, she often forgot that Ace was just a kid and felt things more strongly than Ailith did.
Ace looked up, blinking at the intrusion. “Morning! I feel okay I guess, still a little nervous. Why do you have so many flowers?” Of course Ace was feeling nervous, they were going up against an ancient green dragon tomorrow, only a fool wouldn’t feel nervous.
“It’s Feyra’s birthday today,” Ailith answered, choosing to ignore the first part of Ace’s statement. “Want one?” Maybe she could distract the ten year old with pretty flowers. Kids like flowers, right? Ailith was clueless when it came to children; at Ace’s age she was already sparring with Amos until her knuckles were bloody and she could barely stand.
“Sure!” Ace bounced in her seat excitedly.
“Here,” Ailith grunted, handing Ace an entire bouquet. “Six is plenty,” she explained. Hearing noise in the kitchen, she left Ace to inspect the bouquet and went off in search of whoever else was awake. Her eyes lit up when she poked her head into the kitchen and saw Talus retrieving cookware, and ingredients from the cold room. “Good morning!” Ailith called.
“Hey, Ailith. I feel like I should ask about the flowers,” Talus responded, eyeing Ailith’s overflowing arms.
“Feyra’s birthday, ya know how it is. Hey, can I ask you to make a really nice breakfast? Not that your breakfasts aren’t always nice, they are, but this is an important day, so like, even better than normal would be great,” Ailith was rambling, her nerves getting the best of her.
“Oh, for sure! Anything for Feyra. Want me to come upstairs with you and surprise her?” Talus asked excitedly.
Ailith thought for a moment. “You know, normally I would say yes, but I think sleeping in would be nice on your birthday, so I’ll just sneak up there myself. When she comes down, we can jump out and yell all we want,” she reasoned. Pleasantries finished, Ailith made her way up the stairs.
She didn’t run into Xernax or Mani on her way, which didn’t surprise her. They had so much time to be alone here, she was sure they were making the most of it. Ailith padded down the hall, making her way to the room Feyra was using. Typically, they shared a room, but Ailith had made up some bullshit about their trip back from the Feywild leaving her feeling ill to get Feyra to sleep in a separate room. Luckily, Feyra hadn’t argued, even though Ailith hadn’t been sick a day since they met. Ailith slowly opened the door to Feyra’s room, marveling at the quality of the hinges when no squeaks came. She slipped into the room, tiptoeing over to the bed.
It wasn’t often that Feyra left herself vulnerable, but here in her childhood home she must have felt safe. The sight of her sleeping soundly, for once not clutching her bow next to her pillow, did something to Ailith’s heart. She moved silently, placing the bouquets around Feyra’s sleeping form so that when she woke she’d be surrounded by flowers. Ailith reached out to brush a piece of hair off Feyra’s face, but stopped short before she made contact; she wasn’t wearing her gloves yet. A wave of sadness crashed down on her, but she shook it off with a sigh. Today was a happy day, it was a day to celebrate Feyra being in her life, there was no reason to think about what they couldn’t have. Ailith crept back to the door, closing it softly behind her.
She bounded back to the kitchen, where Talus was busy chopping vegetables and breaking eggs into an iron skillet. Ailith swung herself onto the counter and sat there cross-legged, pestering Talus with questions about what he was making instead of actually helping the man. For his part, Talus looked happy to have company and answered her questions patiently, much like how he talked to Ace when she was overly excited. A small noise from the doorway made the two of them look up to see Feyra leaning on the doorjamb, a faint smile on her face and a blue flower in her hair.
“Good morning! You’re up! Happy birthday! We made you breakfast!” Ailith jumped from the counter and ran to Feyra, making to grab her into a hug but awkwardly pulling up short. “I’ll go find Ace, sit sit!” As Feyra laughed and made her way to the small table, Ailith turned to leave, only to find Ace standing behind her, still clutching the bouquet Ailith had given her.
“I’m right here. Feyra, happy birthday! Here, I got you this,” Ace plucked a flower from her bouquet and made her way to the table, handing Feyra a flower from the bouquet. “And for dinner, I’m going to prepare a Hero’s Feast for all of us!” Ailith shook her head, letting Ace take the credit for that one flower. The four of them sat around the table once it was clear that Xiv was not coming back any time soon, chatting and laughing as they ate. Ailith couldn’t help but watch them, each looking more relaxed than she had seen them in weeks. Her heart swelled with longing, wanting this kind of peace forever. Maybe one day.
Eventually, once they had finished breakfast and made plans for the rest of the day, they separated to get ready for the day. Ailith pretended she didn’t hear Feyra whisper to Talus, “Thank you for breakfast. I know you did most of the work.” She wasn’t wrong, Ailith was not a cook. She waited by the front door as everyone else got dressed and they ventured out together, still not sure where Xiv was.
The walk to the cemetery was cheerful enough, but when they entered the gate a sombre mood overtook them. Feyra immediately went to her parent’s headstones, placing some of the flowers she had brought on them. It hit Ailith then that it wasn’t fair that they would never get to see who Feyra had become. Clearing her throat, she left Feyra to her thoughts and wandered over to Gregor’s grave. She laid a flower on the dirt where grass shoots were starting to overtake the bare earth. Time was moving forward, as it always would, but it felt wrong in this space. Death was part of the job, but Ailith would be lying if she said Gregor’s death hadn’t shaken her. It felt too permanent, too soon. She wondered what he would think of what The First and Last were doing now. She didn’t know how long she crouched there before she felt her friends behind her. Straightening and rubbing her eyes quickly, she turned to them, attempting a small smile.
“Time to head back?” Ailith asked, voice a bit hoarse from disuse and trying to keep her tears at bay. Feyra nodded and led the way back out of the cemetery, the gate closing behind them. By the time they got back it was approaching late afternoon, the sun casting long shadows as it began it’s descent. The four of them piled in the front door only to see Xiv standing there with a red sapling held in their hand.
“Happy birthday. This is from that red place we accidentally ended up in that one time. You can plant it here,” Xiv explained, brandishing the sapling at Feyra.
“Oh, thank you Xiv, that’s very thoughtful. I’m not sure how well it will grow here but it’s worth a shot,” Feyra replied, taking the tree from Xiv. A tree. Fuck. Flowers die, I should’ve gotten her a tree. Godsdamn it. Feyra went out into the garden to plant the sapling, Ace trailing behind her. Ailith headed to the dining room to pout, only to find Xernax and Mani deep in discussion at one end of the table. They didn’t acknowledge her presence, so she sat at the far end of the long table and pulled out a piece of wood she was carving while she waited for this Hero’s Feast she had heard so much about. Before long, Ace and Feyra returned, followed closely by Talus and Xiv, each taking seats around the table. Xernax and Mani ceased their conversation and all of them turned to Ace, waiting for her to work her particular brand of magic.
“Every Shadow,” she began, head bent low over her hands, “please watch over us in the upcoming battle. Help keep us safe.” As Ace finished her prayer, shadows moved in from the corners of the room and swept over the table, leaving everyone’s favourite food in their wake. Ailith was once again awestruck at the young girl’s power, watching her squirm with excitement as she dug into the food in front of her. Much like breakfast, dinner was a casual, carefree affair and Ailith eagerly ate her stir fry and salad as conversations flowed over her. Ailith took the opportunity to bug Xernax and Mani about their relationship, both of them looking rather flustered at the line of questioning, much to her delight.
When the conversation finally started to lull, Ailith was on the verge of sleep. She felt warm and comfortable, the kind of feeling that comes with a good meal with even better company. Xernax and Mani made their excuses and Ailith didn’t miss their hands linking together as they left the room. Good for them. Ace and Talus were next to leave, the latter gathering the small girl into their arms and carrying her to her room. Xiv muttered something about angles and curves, and wandered out of the room counting on their fingers. It was just Feyra and Ailith left in the dining room, silence enveloping them.
“Ailith,” Feyra cleared her throat. “There’s actually, um… something else I wanted to do, for my birthday. Will you come with me?”
“Of course,” Ailith smiled, following Feyra out the back door and into the forest. They stopped at the edge of a small clearing, moonlight washing everything in pale light. Feyra reached behind a tree and brought out a small basket. She quickly got to work setting out a blanket and a bottle of – is that non-alcoholic wine? Gods, I adore you. Feyra gestured for Ailith to sit, Ailith happily obliging. She waited, sensing that Feyra was building up to something.
Feyra took a deep breath, smoothing out invisible wrinkles on her pants. Ailith could see her throat working before she finally looked up and pinned Ailith with her gaze. “Ailith,” she began softly, “I wanted to do this because for the first time in many years I actually know that today is my birthday. While I love our little found family with The First and Last, the one thing I truly wanted today was to be able to spend a moment with you. Just us.” Ailith smiled at that, knowing all too well what Feyra meant. “I know I’m not a person of many words, and I often have a hard time expressing myself; I spent so long on my own that I just never needed to, and now I’m not always able to find my voice.
“So instead I watch. And Ailith, my favourite moments from these past months traveling together are when I get to watch you shine. I know you don’t always see it yourself, but just know that you amaze me, Ailith. And,” Feyra swallowed, a soft smile spreading across her face before continuing, “I love you. I have always felt like I have a shadow that’s been following me throughout life, being alone, not knowing who I was, but now with you I finally feel as though I have a light to keep the shadow at bay.” Ailith felt tears pricking her eyes, but she couldn’t move to wipe them away. “I don’t know what the future will hold for me, or you, or us. Tomorrow may be the end, or next week, or next year. No one knows, but I hope that in my future you’re there as well, because I believe in us too.” Feyra took another deep breath as she finished, eyes searching Ailith’s face.
“Wow. I’ve never heard you say so many words consecutively, in a row,” Ailith said softly, humour lacing her words. “Aren’t people supposed to say nice things about you on your birthday, not the other way around?”
Feyra rolled her eyes at that. “Birthday’s are about doing what you want, and I wanted to tell you how I felt,” she retorted.
“Okay, okay, fair point,” Ailith conceded, biting her lip to keep from laughing. “Feyra… In case it needs to be said, I love you too.” Feyra visibly relaxed at the words, as though she was uncertain that Ailith returned her feelings. Of course I love you, you absolute fool. Feyra reached out a gloved hand and Ailith took it readily, eyes never leaving the other woman’s face. “Did you like the flowers?” Ailith whispered, not wanting to break the fragile bubble of serenity currently enveloping her.
“I loved them, Ailith, thank you,” Feyra replied in kind.
“I’m sorry they’re not a tree. A tree wouldn’t die. Xiv is smarter than me,” Ailith grumbled.
“Xiv brought me a tree from a jungle we know nothing about. Who knows if it will survive here,” Feyra reassured her, brushing her thumb across the back of Ailith’s hand. Ailith hummed in acknowledgement, thoughts turning over in her mind.
“How do you feel about graffiti?” She asked suddenly, grabbing the small knife she kept hidden in her boot.
“Um…?” Ailith jumped to her feet, pulling Feyra with her. She moved to the nearest tree, a tall sturdy looking thing she was sure Feyra could identify for her, but she didn’t care about what type of tree it was in this moment. Feyra watched quietly as Ailith carved their initials into the tree, surrounding them with a heart.
“There. Take that, Xiv” Ailith declared, stepping back to admire her handiwork. Feyra laughed, a bright sound in the night.
“Come here,” she breathed, leading them back to the blanket and laying down. Ailith let herself be pulled to the ground, settling in next to Feyra, nerves lighting up where their arms were pressed together. They laid there for minutes, hours, days – Ailith didn’t know or care. All she cared about was the fact that she was with Feyra, under the stars, saying I love you in the same way she had imagined it so long ago. Finally. Fucking finally. They fell asleep like that, side by side, tethered together in more ways than one.
Here, There, and Everywhere 