Written January 4th 2022

Everyone was gathered around the long wooden table in Feyra’s family dining room. The First and Last were joined by various members of their so-called “war council” discussing the upcoming battle against Hostras. They almost had a plan ironed out, and for once it sounded like a good one.

“We should have those with magic positioned carefully. They’re powerful, but vulnerable,” Ailith explained, gesturing at the map she had quickly sketched out. “As for us: Talus is built like a brick wall, Feyra can stay out of harms way, and Xiv and Ace will have their magic – which will be a lot more useful than anything I can come up with.” Ailith gave a self-deprecating laugh that was abruptly cut off by a loud bang!

Startled, everyone turned to where Feyra was lifting her hand off the table, flexing her fingers. “Ailith, my love, I swear to all the gods that if you say that one more time I will scream.” Feyra’s voice was low and deathly soft as she spoke, her gaze fixated on her now reddened palm. “It makes me so mad how you just refuse to see how incredible you are. You are constantly saying that you are nothing, or you have nothing, and that is just fucking bullshit.

“When we were in that arena, I threw every single bit of ‘special’ I could think of at you, and yet I couldn’t even get a scratch on you. You took me out without even blinking! If you are ‘nothing,’ then what the fuck does that make me? Less than nothing, I guess. So stop. Just stop, because ‘nothing’ and ‘less-than-nothing’ are not going to win in the battles we have coming, and I an already too scared without going into them thinking I am less than nothing. So please, just stop.” There was a beat of shocked silence as Feyra finally looked up, catching Ailith’s slack jawed gaze. Ailith could feel all the eyes in the room turn to her as Feyra got up without another word and swept from the room. Ailith heard someone that sounded suspiciously like Xiv clear their throat and break the awkward quiet as she blinked in confusion.

“If you’ll all excuse me, I should, um…” Ailith didn’t finish her sentence before she followed after Feyra, listening to the other woman’s footsteps as they echoed along the upstairs corridor. Ailith climbed the stairs slowly, giving Feyra time to gather her thoughts. She couldn’t believe Feyra reacted that way, that she thought she was- it was useless to point fingers or lay blame. The only thing to do was talk about it, as much as both Ailith and Feyra might dislike the idea.

Ailith knocked softly on the door to their shared bedroom before entering. Feyra was sat on the bed, elbows on her knees and head bowed. Ailith moved to lean against the far wall to give Feyra any space she might need. She waited for a few seconds to see which of them was going to speak first. When Feyra didn’t move, she decided to put them both out of their misery. “Feyra,” she began softly, “where did that come from back there?”

Feyra finally moved, looking at Ailith from beneath her lashes. “You’re always saying you’re nothing, that you’re useless and I just couldn’t listen to it anymore,” she explained, voice quiet. “I shouldn’t have said anything in front of everyone, but I couldn’t just sit there and let you say such things about yourself, not again.” Feyra’s gaze dropped again, but not before Ailith caught the shimmer of tears in them.

Ailith moved then, kneeling in front of Feyra and taking her hands in her own. “Feyra, no. I wasn’t- I just meant that I would need Xiv or Ace to shield me somehow. I don’t have any armour and I need to fight up close, that’s all I meant, I swear.” Ailith brought Feyra’s hands up to her mouth, kissing the knuckles softly. “Do you believe me?” Feyra only nodded in response, a few tears falling off her lashes. Ailith frowned up at her. “What is it, love?”

“I just-” Feyra pulled her hands out of Ailith’s and flailed them about in an attempt to catch her thoughts. “You are so much. You are capable of so much, and you could do anything you want, be anything you want and you’re stuck- you choose to be with me.” Ailith sat back on her heels as she processed Feyra’s words.

“So, what? You think I’ll get… bored of you?” Ailith’s heart cracked the tiniest bit at Feyra’s small nod, at the fresh tears on her cheeks. “Feyra, no. No, love that’s not- that could never happen. Listen to me,” Ailith hooked a finger under Feyra’s chin, forcing her gaze up to her own, “you are the best, most important thing in my life. How could I ever get bored of you?

“I wasn’t a good person, before you. I never cared about anyone but myself, I only saw people for what they could offer me. You changed that. You care so deeply about us, about Ace, about me. That is not boring.” Ailith felt tears building in her eyes, but she couldn’t drag herself away from Feyra’s green gaze. “I was so lonely, for so long. I never knew pleasure, just pain and hardship. Meeting you – being with you – has shown me that life can be bright, and happy, and good. That there may be pain, but it can coexist with love. That is not boring.

“You do not bore me, Feyra. You are my heart, and I love you. I want to be with you, I choose to be with you because of who you are, not in spite of it. Do you hear me?” Ailith was fully crying now, hands too busy cupping Feyra’s face to wipe the tears away. “Feyra, do you hear me?” The redhead didn’t answer. Instead, she brought her hands up to Ailith’s face and thumbed away the tears that were still falling. Ailith opened her mouth, to say what she didn’t know, but before anything could come out, Feyra was pulling her into a kiss.

Ailith let out a muffled squeal of surprise as Feyra fisted her hand in Ailith’s hair, pulling the brunette up to her level. Ailith lost herself in Feyra’s hands and lips, and found herself again with Feyra’s tongue on her skin and her legs wrapped in hers. They were always better at action than words, anyway.