Written November 17th 2021 10:35 PM
Ailith never remembered the nightmares, and for that Feyra was grateful. Grateful, because whatever made Ailith scream Feyra’s name, hands clawing at her own chest, barely able to breathe… Feyra didn’t want that memory living in Ailith’s head. She would keep it to herself, and greet Ailith every morning as if nothing had happened in the night.
It started with whimpers. Feyra’s eyes blinked open at the sound, so attuned to the woman sleeping next to her that the slightest disturbance had her fully awake in seconds. She lay there, breathing silently, praying that this was one of the rare nights where Ailith chased the nightmares away and fell back to sleep peacefully. When she heard Ailith’s breath hitch, Feyra knew no gods were listening to her tonight.
Ailith started thrashing, tangling herself up in their bedspread. Feyra couldn’t quite make out the words spilling from the other woman’s lips, but they sounded pained. Feyra moved then, trying to pin Ailith’s arms down before she could start tearing at her sleepshirt, but the brunette was strong. Ailith pulled her arms out of Feyra’s grasp, fingers curling in, the tendons in her arms taut.
“Ailith! Ailith, it’s okay! It’s okay, it’s not real!” Feyra extricated herself from the covers, moving to straddle Ailith’s hips.
“No, please. Don’t do this, please, don’t do this,” Ailith pleaded, eyes screwed up in pain. Feyra knew what was coming next. She leaned down, pinning Ailith’s wrists to the mattress.
“Nin mel, please wake up,” Feyra begged, tears pricking her eyes. She didn’t want to hear the pain in Ailith’s voice, she never wanted to hear it again. She could feel her heart breaking, cracking with every shaking, shallow breath Ailith took.
“No, no, no. Feyra, please!” Feyra tightened her grip on Ailith’s wrists, trying to prevent her from hurting herself. “Feyra!” Ailith’s whole body tensed, the scream tearing from her throat. Feyra bowed her head, body shaking from trying to hold back her tears. Ailith tried to free her hands, but Feyra held tight, using her body weight to keep Ailith from moving.
“Ailith, I promise you, I am right here,” Feyra sobbed. “I am not going anywhere, I’m right here.” Ailith’s scream quieted, her body relaxing as she gulped down heaving breaths. Feyra released her, moving to cradle her face. She pushed the hair out of the other woman’s face and waited for her to settle. Feyra rested her forehead on Ailith’s, feeling her breaths even out once more into little puffs of air against her face. Once she was sure Ailith was well and truly asleep once more, she shifted back to her side of the bed and waited for sleep to pull her under once more, holding onto Ailith’s hand the entire time.
“Good morning.”
The greeting was murmured against Feyra’s skin by soft lips, the voice hoarse with sleep. Feyra slowly opened her eyes to see Ailith smiling at her in the morning light, eyes open and clear. There was no evidence of the nightmare on Ailith’s face, nothing to suggest she got anything less than a good night’s sleep. Thank the gods for that.
“Good morning,” Feyra replied. The answering kiss was enough to mend the the cracks in Feyra’s heart. It amazed her every time – how could Ailith be this soft, this gentle, this happy the morning after reliving whatever trauma was trapped in her head? But it was a new day, and Ailith was here with her. And for that, she was grateful.
Here, There, and Everywhere 